What someone else thinks of you and what is really the truth.
I was recently caught up in a ridiculous situation where someone had made a comment on a social media platform and I had made a comment to try and encourage them. Harmless, yet others jumped in and twisted, turned, and started assuming what they wanted.
Now here is the thing, although I believed it to be a statement to encourage, others saw it differently. Am I to be blamed for that?
Well, the way I see it yes, and no. I could have not said anything or private messaged this person and it would have been between us, yet I felt free enough to simply put it out there for others to see, that was my mistake. Now people are talking all kinds of mad crap and I can't stop that. What I can do is remember who I am, what I intended, and that I can't control what others say about me.
I can control who I am, and with whom I choose to spend time with however, and that brings me to the more important part of today's blog.
6/22/85When I was in my early twenties I was a busy young mom and stepmom. All I could do was try and survive the day, fall into bed and do it again. I found that going to church was a refuge I could get some amazing counsel from.
Now there were two older women who stick out in my mind; Dorothy, I never really spoke to her but the way she kept herself and the way she moved was pure beauty. Quiet and sophisticated is the way I saw her, and in this small town that was something that wasn't seen often, she was just lovely.
Then their was Bonnie.
Bonnie was in my opinion, the most incredible woman I had ever seen.
She was the women's leader and WHAT a woman!
She invested in each and every one of us. She would take the time to talk to you and you felt as though she really cared, truly a virtuous woman who still attended to her husband and family.
For me I needed that mother figure who could teach me how to juggle the struggles of all that I had allowed on my plate, which were many. I had taken my already full plate and had now volunteered for way too many things at the church. People would actually say "Call Toni she will do it."
I remember one particularly difficult time when I had simply stretched myself to thin where Bonnie came and sat down beside me. She said "Toni, have you ever watched a flock of geese? They fly in the shape of a "V". They fly that way so that the leader breaks the air-flow for all the others. They fly that way so there is less resistance, but eventually the leader gets tired and then that goose drops back to the back of the flock and another takes the lead."
I got it, she took that and made it a perfect example for me to understand that I didn't have to do it all. There were others at the church that could take over some, or all of my duties, so I could focus more on my own family and their needs, which had dropped in it's priority.
Why am I telling you all this, it is simple really, there is a scripture in the Bible that paraphrased says
"The older women should be examples of the good life, so the the younger women may learn to love their husbands and their children, to be sensible, and chaste, home-lovers, kind-hearted and willing to adapt themselves to their husbands-- a good advertisement for the Christian faith."
Don't get me wrong, I am totally for girl power, we can get the job done when it needs to be done. Women can kick butt and take names! I started a business!
We should be strong mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.
"We can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan"(as the old commercial use to say) if we need too, or we can be an incredible support system for our partners who do that.
I also believe that we can do it in such a manner to not have people speak ill about us.
Some unhappy people who are not taking care of their own business can be real gossips, destroying others in a moment with their jealousy and lies. Social media has become a breeding ground for this in my opinion. I also believe that social media is a huge time waster. I love kittens and puppies as much as the next person and checking in on old friends, but after that, most of the time spent is on needless and senseless things that I really have little time for, that is where the trouble can begin. I need to focus on the more important things in life, the priorities.
Sometimes people can see us say or do something that they perceive one way or another that may be wrong. When I was young I could have looked like I was crazy busy, or just crazy, a superwoman, or an unhinged individual. Perception is a tricky thing. Dancing as fast as I could and trying to learn while holding it all together.
Now that I have moved from the young woman, to the older woman, I want to be like Bonnie.
A person who is there for others, but still someone that others can look up too. Approachable without them having to fear I am one of the many who will gossip about them as soon as they are out of ear shot. Someone who is worthy of their time, that I am genuinely interested in what they are going through, and will listen with an open heart. Someone who minds my own business, is not judgmental, and who has my priorities straight by placing God, Husband and Family first... A virtuous woman.
Virtuous in Wikipedia is defined as:
Virtue (Latin: virtus, Ancient Greek: ἀρετή "arete") is moral excellence. A virtue is a trait or quality that is deemed to be morally good and thus is valued as a foundation of principle and good moral being. Personal virtues are characteristics valued as promoting collective and individual greatness. In other words, it is a behavior that shows high moral standards. Doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong. The opposite of virtue is vice.
The four classic cardinal virtues in Christianity are temperance, prudence, courage, and justice. Christianity derives the three theological virtues of faith, hope and love (charity) from 1 Corinthians. Together these make up the seven virtues. Buddhism's four brahmavihara ("Divine States") can be regarded as virtues in the European sense. The Japanese Bushidōcode is characterized by up to ten virtues, including rectitude, courage, and benevolence.
I am a big believer in energy. What you send out is what you attract, garbage in garbage out, what goes around comes around, and so on. If we choose to go around and talk about others then we are just like everyone else. Social media, the phone, an email etc. we have become nothing but gossips and people others will love to talk to, and also about, when you are not there. If we choose to stick to our own business, which is very time consuming and rewarding, then we will attract others with the same frame of mind. People who do not have the time to talk about others because they are busy with their own lives.
It is your choice, may I suggest we all find a Bonnie, and follow a great lead in how to handle what we have before us? If you choose to be on social media remember, that anything you say can and quite possibly will be held against you, so choose what you do wisely.
May this be a blessing to all those who read it, ~ Don't Forget To Sparkle~
Toni
